Only Temporary for Once

I don't really know where to start. I mentioned in the previous post that the most recent time I lost a friend it was extremely difficult. It's the most intense and the most dramatic story. I kind of would like to start there. But for my own sanity, that's probably not a good idea. I'm still in the process of getting over that mess, and I don't want to dredge it up quite yet.

So maybe I'll start at the beginning.

I'm sure I must have lost friends when I was young, but I can't remember any of those situations. So the beginning I am speaking of is the end of my 1st year in college.

My best friend in college was my cousin Mangiamo. Manny. I moved away for school, and I missed being at home so much. I especially missed Manny. We would talk on the phone all the time, catching up about what our days had been like, and he would help me get through some of the difficulties of being where I was rather than where I wanted to be. I don't think it took very long for Manny to get sick of this arrangement. I am simplifying here, but I can imagine it would have been difficult for him to spend that much time with a girl knowing there was no chance of ever getting any. That time could certainly be spent doing more worthwhile things.

So he started pulling away from me, without any mention of why. We started getting into fights because he would blow me off. A lot. Our fights were pretty bad. I'll admit that I was pretty psycho. I don't think he understood how much I relied on him to help me through a time that was really difficult in my life. And I didn't understand that part of his pulling away from me was because he had real live friends right there in front of him, and just because he wanted to cultivate those relationships didn't mean he cared less about me.

But the final straw came the week that I came back to town for the summer, and he broke plans with me twice to hang out with other people. When his other plans fell through, he just stayed at home, and didn't call me.

I was pretty pissed.

So I said some mean and angry-sounding things to him.

And then I apologized.

And he was silent.

And I apologized.

And he was silent.

And then I was silent.

And then after a long time, he said "I miss you."

Manny and I are not close friends, and we probably never will be again. But we do enjoy hanging out, and we see each other every once in a while.

I thought, for a long time, that I had permanently lost a friend. This time, it was only temporary.

But, lucky me, I have several stories left to tell.